Samantha McAllister

Quick Facts

Samantha McAllister is the protagonist and narrator of Every Last Word. A seemingly popular junior, she's secretly battling Purely Obsessional OCD. Her journey is about confronting her mental illness, finding solace in poetry, and embracing her true self.

Who She Is

Samantha McAllister is a study in contrasts: a popular girl masking a hidden struggle. To the outside world, she's a member of the elite Crazy Eights and a talented swimmer. But beneath the surface, Samantha is tormented by Purely Obsessional OCD, a condition that fills her mind with intrusive thoughts and crippling anxiety. Her carefully constructed facade begins to crumble as she discovers an unexpected outlet for her innermost thoughts through poetry, leading her on a path of self-discovery and acceptance.

Personality & Traits

Samantha's personality is shaped by her constant battle to conceal her OCD. She's adept at presenting a "normal" image, but this requires immense effort and fuels her anxiety. As the story progresses, she begins to shed her carefully constructed persona, revealing a brave, creative, and introspective young woman.

• Anxious and Secretive: Samantha lives in constant fear of being exposed. She hides her OCD, her therapy sessions with Sue, and her intrusive thoughts from everyone, especially her friends. This secrecy is a major source of anxiety, as seen in the opening chapter's panic attack involving a pair of scissors.
• Perfectionistic: She feels immense pressure to be perfect—the perfect friend, the perfect daughter, the perfect popular girl. This perfectionism is a coping mechanism to feel in control when her mind feels chaotic.
• Introspective: Due to the nature of her OCD, Samantha spends a great deal of time inside her own head. This internal focus eventually fuels her talent for poetry, allowing her to articulate the complex thoughts and feelings she keeps hidden.
• Brave: Despite her anxiety, Samantha possesses a deep well of courage. This is evident when she follows a group of strangers into Poet's Corner, confronts AJ Olsen about their shared past, stands up to Kaitlyn and Alexis, and ultimately becomes honest about who she is.
• Creative: Initially unaware of her talent, Samantha discovers that writing poetry is the perfect outlet for her racing thoughts. It becomes the primary way she processes her emotions and finds her voice, embodying the theme of Finding Your Voice and Self-Acceptance.

Character Journey

At the beginning of the novel, Samantha is defined by her fear and her desperate need to fit in with the Crazy Eights. She sees herself as two different people: "Samantha," the anxious girl who conforms to social pressure, and "Summer Sam," the confident swimmer who only exists outside of school. The introduction of Caroline Madsen and the discovery of Poet's Corner serve as the catalyst for her change. In this secret, accepting space, she begins to shed her carefully constructed persona. Writing poetry gives her a way to manage her thoughts, and the friendships she forms with the other poets provide a healthier alternative to the toxic dynamic of the Eights. Her relationship with AJ forces her to confront her past and learn to trust someone with her vulnerability. The climax of her development occurs when she learns the truth about Caroline—that she is a manifestation of her own mind. This devastating revelation forces Samantha to realize that the bravery, creativity, and strength she attributed to Caroline were within herself all along. By the end of the story, she has integrated "Summer Sam" into her everyday life, standing up for what she believes in, embracing her identity as a poet, and opening up about her mental health. She is no longer just "Samantha"; she has fully become Sam.

Key Relationships

• The Crazy Eights: Her long-time friends, including Alexis, Kaitlyn, Olivia, and Hailey. This relationship is superficial and a major source of Samantha's anxiety. Her struggle to break free from their judgment and expectations is a central conflict, highlighting the theme of The Nature of Friendship.
• Caroline Madsen: A girl Samantha "meets" who becomes her confidante and guide. Caroline is the friend Samantha needs: someone who understands her, encourages her to be brave, and introduces her to Poet's Corner. The revelation that Caroline is a product of Samantha's own mind is a pivotal moment, forcing Sam to claim her own strength.
• AJ Olsen: Her love interest. Their relationship begins with a complicated past, as Sam and Kaitlyn bullied him in elementary school. He becomes a symbol of forgiveness and a partner in a healthy, honest relationship built on a shared love for words.
• Samantha's Mom: Her staunchest ally. She is deeply involved in helping Samantha manage her OCD, providing comfort and employing techniques taught by Sue during panic attacks.
• Sue: Her psychiatrist, whom she nicknames "Shrink-Sue." Sue provides Samantha with professional guidance, coping strategies, and the consistent encouragement to find new friends and embrace her authentic self.

Defining Moments

Samantha's journey is marked by several pivotal moments that force her to confront her fears and embrace her true self. These moments highlight her growth and the development of her inner strength.

• The Valentine's Day Panic Attack: The novel opens with Samantha having a severe panic attack triggered by intrusive thoughts while handling scissors. This scene immediately establishes the severity of her Mental Health and Illness and the secret life she leads.
• Discovering Poet's Corner: Following a group of students into a hidden room in the school's basement is a turning point. This "safe place" allows her to explore her creativity and find a community that accepts her for who she is, not who she pretends to be.
• The First Kiss at the Pool: After showing AJ her sanctuary—the swim club—she shares a spontaneous, heartfelt poem with him. The kiss that follows is a moment of genuine connection, starkly different from her past superficial crushes.
• The Revelation about Caroline: AJ reveals that Caroline Madsen committed suicide eight years prior. This forces Samantha to confront the fact that her best friend has been a hallucination, a manifestation of her own mind created to help her cope. It is the climax of her internal journey toward self-awareness.
• Confronting the Crazy Eights: After telling her friends about AJ, Samantha refuses to let Kaitlyn mock him or let Alexis belittle her choices. She stands up for herself and walks away, choosing her own happiness over their approval for the first time.

Essential Quotes

What if I’m crazy?

This question encapsulates Samantha's deepest fear and the stigma she associates with her mental illness. It reveals the immense pressure she feels to maintain a facade of normalcy and the anxiety that underlies her every action.

In two weeks, I’ll be back in school, Cassidy will be in L.A., and Brandon will be at college. I’ll be missing them, along with my early morning dives into lane number three. I’ll be Samantha again. And more than anything, I’ll be missing Sam.

This quote highlights the dichotomy between Samantha's true self ("Sam") and the persona she adopts to fit in at school. It reveals her longing for authenticity and the sense of loss she feels when she has to suppress her true identity.

I stay quiet. Keeping words in where they fester and control me. I’m here now. Letting them out. Freeing my words Building better walls.

This excerpt from one of Samantha's poems illustrates the transformative power of writing. It shows how she uses poetry to process her emotions, break free from the control of her intrusive thoughts, and build a stronger sense of self.

I didn’t go there looking for you. I went looking for me. But now, here you are, and somehow, in finding you, I think I’ve found myself.

This quote speaks to the unexpected nature of Samantha's journey and the role that AJ plays in her self-discovery. It suggests that love and connection can be powerful catalysts for personal growth.

When I’m with him, Sue, I don’t feel sick or labeled or broken. I feel normal. He makes me feel totally and completely normal.

This quote reveals the profound impact that AJ has on Samantha's self-perception. It shows how his acceptance and understanding allow her to feel valued and worthy, despite her struggles with OCD.