Finding One's Purpose and Identity
What This Theme Explores
The novel examines how identity is forged by choice rather than bestowed by circumstance, tracing the parallel quests of Emsley Wilson and Johanna Bonger. It asks what we owe to our talents, to our loved ones, and to ourselves—and what we must risk to honor those obligations. It also interrogates the invisible scaffolding of gendered expectations, showing how the pressure to conform can conceal a deeper vocation. Through the lineage of Vincent van Gogh, the story argues that purpose often crystallizes in adversity, when external validation is scarce and internal conviction is all that remains.
How It Develops
The theme unfolds across dual timelines that begin with two women defined by other people’s scripts. In the present, Emsley measures herself against an industry that sidelines her and a partner who benefits from her labor while diminishing her. In the past, Johanna internalizes a narrower destiny, imagining fulfillment as a wife and mother, until marriage to Theo opens a door into a world where the demands of art—and the needs of a genius brother-in-law—challenge her assumptions.
Catalysts force both women to confront the gap between who they are and who they are becoming. For Emsley, the combined shock of Trey shutting down their business and the death of her grandmother Violet Velar strips away her safety nets; reading Johanna’s words reframes her grief as fuel. For Johanna, the conviction of Theo van Gogh and the weight of Vincent’s “worthless” canvases after Theo’s death force her out of the role of grieving widow and into the uncharted role of cultural advocate and entrepreneur.
From there, both arcs become a series of purposeful acts. Emsley refuses to fold, negotiates to buy out Trey, courts investors, and stages a public reintroduction through Strena’s art show—each step a claim on her professional identity. Johanna, rebuffed by gatekeepers, learns the mechanics of the art world and champions Vincent’s work herself, transforming private devotion into public mission. The resolutions are not prizes handed down but identities earned: Emsley reestablishes Ludington’s on her terms and opens herself to a healthier love with Bram Dekker, while Johanna secures Vincent’s legacy and her own authority in a field designed to exclude her.
Key Examples
Across scenes, the novel moves from yearning to action, showing how purpose takes shape through hard-won choices.
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Early dissatisfaction as a spark for change:
“I want to know why we are alive. I want to find my purpose.” … “At the end of my life, I wanted to be able to look back and be proud of what I had accomplished. I wanted to leave behind…something.”
“I’m not of a distinguished age, and here, that matters. I don’t have a stature that commands respect.” … “And I’m not the preferred sex. I’m missing the dangly bits.” — Chapter 1-5 Summary
The juxtaposition pairs Johanna’s existential hunger with Emsley’s concrete professional constraints, establishing that both private longing and public limitation can catalyze identity work. Desire alone isn’t enough; it must be sharpened by the friction of a world that refuses to accommodate it. -
“I don’t quit”: defiance as self-definition
When Trey moves to shutter Ludington’s, Emsley’s instinctive refusal reframes the business as part of her selfhood, not merely a job. The declaration converts injury into agency, signaling a shift from reacting within someone else’s structure to building her own. -
Forging purpose under pressure:
“All are made exceptional by necessity,” Piet, the poet, put in. … “All right,” I blurted. “I shall represent Vincent myself.”
“Unlike Arthur, who pulled his weapon from the rock, Violet pulled her power from herself. She is Excalibur.” — Chapter 26-30 Summary
Johanna’s decision transforms grief into vocation, redefining widowhood as leadership. Emsley’s Excalibur insight converts legacy into a model for self-sourced power, asserting that identity is drawn from within rather than conferred by gatekeepers.
Character Connections
Emsley Wilson embodies modern self-authorship. Initially seeking recognition within a biased system, she learns that legitimacy doesn’t precede leadership—it follows it. By buying out Trey and rebuilding Ludington’s, she shifts from asking for permission to setting terms, and her partnership with Bram affirms that intimacy can support, rather than subsume, purpose.
Johanna Bonger reframes devotion as ambition. What begins as familial loyalty becomes cultural stewardship as she shoulders Vincent’s reputation and learns the commercial and curatorial labor required to sustain it. She challenges the era’s gendered scripts not with rhetoric but with outcomes—exhibitions mounted, critics persuaded, a canon revised.
Violet Velar functions as an intergenerational blueprint for defiant authenticity. Her art, choices, and refusal to be defined by loss give Emsley a living archive of courage. Violet’s legacy underscores that purpose is not an inheritance of objects but a transmission of stance.
Vincent van Gogh is the paradox at the theme’s center: an artist who suffers to remain faithful to his calling, and whose recognition arrives too late. His unwavering commitment becomes Johanna’s challenge—to convert private genius into public value—and her success suggests that purpose can be communal, sustained across lives.
Symbolic Elements
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Sunflowers: Resilience rendered radiant. Their habit of turning toward light, and Violet’s lesson—“The worse the soil, the bigger they flower. They’re scrappy as hell, but they always look like stars.”—mirror how adversity concentrates strength. The symbol insists that harsh conditions can enlarge, rather than wither, identity.
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Ludington’s Auction House: A physical proxy for Emsley’s self-determination. Saving, relocating, and relaunching the business tracks her evolution from undervalued insider to founder whose authority stems from ownership.
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Vincent’s paintings: Once a burden of debt and doubt, the canvases become Johanna’s engine of purpose. In defending their worth, she discovers her own, turning caretaking into cultural transformation.
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The little green diary and letters: A bridge between timelines that converts private testimony into shared strategy. As Emsley reads Johanna, she practices a tradition of learning identity through women’s written histories, transforming memory into momentum.
Contemporary Relevance
The novel’s insistence that purpose is made, not assigned, resonates in a world where career paths are precarious and institutional biases persist. Emsley’s struggle with sexism, entrepreneurial risk, and the cost of saying no to toxic partners mirrors the choices many face when building a life that aligns with their principles. Johanna’s historical fight to have her labor recognized echoes current debates over invisible work, gatekeeping, and who gets to shape cultural narratives. Together, their stories model a sustainable ambition rooted in values rather than validation.
Essential Quote
“Unlike Arthur, who pulled his weapon from the rock, Violet pulled her power from herself. She is Excalibur.”
This reframing turns a myth of rightful kingship into a credo of self-sourced authority, aligning the novel’s female lineage with a weapon that is also a will. It crystallizes the theme’s claim: identity is not bestowed by external tests or titles but drawn out by inner resolve—and wielded to cut a path where none exists.