Opening
In these chapters, Brant Hansen moves from theory to practice: God’s love stands as a stubborn, objective reality, and living from that reality makes us unoffendable. Through personal missteps, wrenching ministry, and startling grace, he argues that the gospel’s “imbalance” in our favor frees us from anger, the need to win, and the hunger for approval.
What Happens
Chapter 16: AND HERE’S THE CHAPTER I KEPT PUTTING OFF . . .
Hansen admits he doesn’t sit on a perpetual “spiritual high,” which makes writing about the love of God hard. Still, he insists God’s love exists whether he feels it or not. He recalls sprinting into a plate-glass wall he was sure wasn’t there; his perception doesn’t alter reality. In the same way, God’s love stands—fixed, persistent, unchanging.
He argues this is the bedrock of being unoffendable. If we truly live from the “good news” that we are loved without condition, petty slights shrink. The problem, he says, is belief: many Christians act as if they must earn God’s favor, breeding frustration with themselves and irritation toward others who “aren’t trying.” He points to the desperate father who cries to Jesus, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” Jesus doesn’t scold; he heals. The risen Jesus even cooks breakfast for the disciples who betrayed him, seeking relationship over retribution. That is the heart of Grace and Forgiveness.
Chapter 17: WE’RE ALL WAITING FOR SOMETHING . . . THAT ALREADY HAPPENED
Hansen opens with Khaled Hosseini’s line: “we are waiting, all of us... for something extraordinary to happen to us.” He connects that itch for significance to our compulsive inbox-checking. Then he flips it: the extraordinary already happens—the King of the universe wants us. He contrasts this with the distance of earthly kings, recalling a tale from Magellan’s travels to show how radical personal access to the divine really is.
If we believe this, we gain a security that drains offense of its power. Proof of belief isn’t perfect theology; it’s love. Citing John 13, Hansen describes Sherri, his producer, speaking at a mostly white church. A man hostile and openly racist confesses, repents, and apologizes to her. Sherri not only forgives him but asks to meet and hug his racist father. Loving a “natural enemy” makes no sense apart from Jesus, Hansen says—our refusal to take offense becomes living evidence that God exists.
Chapter 18: ON WINNING—AND BY “WINNING,” I MEAN, OF COURSE, LOSING
Hansen calls himself “Argument Guy,” the kid who disputes Santa with his kindergarten teacher and debates professors for sport. But in faith, he realizes “winning” arguments is hollow; without love, his airtight proofs become “useless racket.” People don’t need more words; they need embodied love. That’s where The Choice to Be Unoffendable matters.
He reframes forgiveness as absorbing the cost yourself. After friends destroy his surfboard, he faces a choice: demand repayment or forgive and “pay the bill.” Anger feels valuable because it confirms our rightness and our wound. Handing it over costs us—like Jesus’s hard call to the rich young ruler. We prefer loopholes that keep a little “righteous” anger, but those carve us away from discipleship. By dropping the need to win, Hansen steps out of the status-and-offense game and steps into love.
Chapter 19: THE WORLD’S WORST NEIGHBOR
Hansen confesses he’s oblivious and awkward—“a terrible neighbor.” He barely notices Andrea and Jarrod across the street until tragedy hits: Andrea, pregnant, dies in a car accident; Jarrod and their son survive. Pushing past his comfort, Hansen crosses the street to say, “I’m sorry.” Jarrod, starving for human contact, says other neighbors avoid him—but it “makes sense” that a Christian would show up.
For two years, Hansen and his wife sit with Jarrod’s grief. He’s lonely, angry, sometimes rude, and the ministry drains them. But it clarifies everything: this is what love does. Hurt people lash out, and servants bear those blows without taking offense. Hansen looks back to Jesus, who isn’t alienated by betrayal but greets the disciples with breakfast on the beach. That posture—patient, present, unoffended—animates ministry in nursing homes, with foster kids, and with grieving neighbors. Releasing the need for others’ approval frees us to love recklessly.
Chapter 20: IMBALANCED? YOU BETTER HOPE SO
After filling his diesel car with regular gas, Hansen braces for a $7,000 bill. He feels he deserves it and almost wants the penalty to “redeem” himself. Then Volkswagen covers the repair—for free. Relief mingles with unease; he doesn’t get to pay. The moment exposes pride: he wants the story to be about his competence. But grace isn’t earned. The victory is already won for us, which offends our self-salvation projects.
So when people call for “balance”—a little forgiveness, a little “healthy anger”—Hansen says the kingdom isn’t balanced; it’s gloriously skewed toward mercy. In Jesus’s vineyard parable, last-hour workers receive the same wage as those who labor all day. It feels unfair, especially to the “good” who trust their effort. That’s the point: grace scandalizes our sense of justice and unseats Humility vs. Self-Righteousness. Jesus is a stumbling stone for anyone trying to earn it. The gospel’s imbalance is our only hope.
Character Development
Hansen’s stories chart a shift from performance and argument to presence and grace. As he surrenders the “right to be right,” he learns to absorb costs, let go of anger, and love people who hurt.
- Brant Hansen: Moves from “Argument Guy” and inattentive neighbor to a man practicing costly forgiveness and sustained, unoffended care. The diesel-car debacle exposes pride; accepting free repair trains his heart to receive grace.
- Sherri: Models bold, counterintuitive forgiveness, embracing a repentant racist and even his father. Her action becomes a living apologetic for the gospel.
- Jarrod: Embodies grief’s rough edges. His anger and neediness become the crucible where Hansen’s unoffendable love turns from idea into habit.
Themes & Symbols
Grace and forgiveness: Hansen treats God’s love as objective reality. That reality births a lifestyle of forgiveness that absorbs injustice rather than exacting payment. The diesel-car rescue becomes a symbol of unearned grace that unsettles pride. Sherri’s hug and Jesus’s seaside breakfast show grace moving toward enemies and traitors.
Humility vs. self-righteousness: The vineyard parable unmasks our attachment to fairness when fairness favors us. Hansen’s urge to “pay” for his mistake reveals the subtler pride that resists gifts. Choosing to be unoffendable disrupts self-importance; it aligns us with a kingdom where mercy, not merit, governs.
The destructive nature of anger: Anger flatters our sense of rightness and fuels the need to win. Forgiveness costs because it surrenders that validation. Hansen reframes the surrender of anger not as passivity but as sacrificial participation in Christlike love.
Key Quotes
“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”
- The father’s prayer captures the gap between knowing God loves us and living like it’s true. Jesus’s response—healing instead of shaming—anchors Hansen’s claim that grace precedes performance.
“we are waiting, all of us... for something extraordinary to happen to us.”
- Hosseini’s line diagnoses the human ache for significance. Hansen answers it with the gospel: the extraordinary already arrives in God’s personal, pursuing love.
“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
- Jesus’s command (John 13) sets love—not argument—as the marker of authentic faith. Sherri’s forgiveness turns doctrine into visible proof.
Without love, all my logical proofs are just “useless racket.”
- Hansen exposes the emptiness of winning debates without embodying grace. The phrase reframes apologetics as lived love.
Why This Matters and Section Significance
Chapters 16–20 form the book’s core: objective love leads to subjective freedom. When we trust God’s unearned favor, we stop clutching offense, status, and “fairness.” That shift changes how we argue (we stop needing to), how we forgive (we absorb costs), and how we minister (we stay, unoffended, with hurting people).
This section ties theology to practice. The glass wall, Sherri’s embrace, Jarrod’s grief, and the diesel repair all point to the same reality: grace is real, costly, and wonderfully imbalanced. Living from it is how Christians display Jesus to a watching world.