Samantha McAllister arrives at her therapy session with Sue in high spirits, a stark contrast to her usual anxiety. She shares that the Crazy Eights have been nicer since she stood up to them, Caroline Madsen is helping her with a new poem, and her relationship with AJ Olsen is making her feel giddy. Sam decides to stop keeping her new friends and AJ a secret, acknowledging that she cares what the Eights think and that her new friends deserve recognition.
Chapter 31: Special Minds
Sue notices Sam scratching her neck, a sign of anxiety, and Sam admits she worries the Eights won't understand her attraction to AJ. She lists ten reasons she likes AJ, culminating in the most important: he makes her feel normal. Sue asks if AJ knows about her OCD, but Sam says no, arguing that he makes her feel normal because he thinks she is normal, revealing the theme of Secrets and Honesty.
Sam declares that she is "better" now, defining "better" as being normal and no longer needing medication or therapy. Sue shares a story about a former patient with synesthesia who saw his condition as a gift. She calls minds like his—and Sam's—"special," encouraging Sam to embrace who she is and surround herself with supportive people. Sam leaves feeling good but still resolved not to tell AJ her secret.
Chapter 32: P.M.
A group text summons Sam to a "P.M." (nighttime meeting) at Poet's Corner. She lies to her parents and meets AJ, who suggests they tell the other Poets about their relationship. Inside, Sydney announces an upcoming open-mic night.
AJ introduces a "twisted trust exercise" where members read a poem randomly selected from their notebook by another member, encouraging vulnerability and building trust. Cameron reads a poem seemingly about Jessica, and Abigail reads a simple one about a sunset. Emily becomes too emotional to finish a poem about her mother's illness. The mood shifts as the members share deeply personal pieces, reinforcing the theme of Finding Your Voice and Self-Acceptance.
Sam grows nervous about what poem might be chosen for her. Chelsea picks a poem for Sydney that Sydney initially refuses to read, but Chelsea reads it aloud for her. The poem is about a forbidden attraction, leaving the group curious. Finally, it's Sam's turn. She hands Chelsea her "safe" yellow notebook, and Chelsea picks a poem Sam wrote for Caroline. Sam reads it aloud, describing how Caroline's presence quiets her mind and makes her "almost feel sane." Caroline cheers loudly, proud of Sam for sharing something so personal and, unbeknownst to the others, so revealing of her internal struggles with Mental Health and Illness.
Chapter 33: Wondering
After Sam's reading, it's AJ's turn. Sam selects a page from his clipboard, and he looks flustered, saying, "Shit." Instead of playing his guitar, he stands at the front of the stage, explaining that what Sam chose is a poem, not a song. He looks directly at Sam and recites a piece called "Wondering." The poem details his thoughts and feelings after Sam left his house that first day, expressing his regret for not kissing her and his hope that she would return.
As he speaks, his eyes never leave hers. The rest of the Poets quickly connect the dots, and the room erupts in whistles and cheers as they realize Sam is the subject of the poem. AJ steps off the stage and sits next to Sam, confirming, "They know." The awkwardness is broken by a quick kiss between them. As the meeting breaks up, Sam notices that Caroline was the only one who didn't read.
Outside, Sam and AJ are euphoric, relieved that their relationship is no longer a secret from their friends. They kiss passionately, and Sam suggests they "forgot" to turn off the lamps back in Poet's Corner. AJ reveals he left them on intentionally. They return to the room and have sex for the first time on AJ's orange couch. She feels "completely alive and totally normal," surrounded by the words on the walls and in love with the boy beside her.
Chapter 34: Not for the Better
The next day at lunch, Sam decides to tell the Crazy Eights about AJ. She finds Alexis, Kaitlyn, Olivia, and Hailey at their usual table and announces she has a date with AJ Olsen. Kaitlyn immediately starts laughing and cruelly mocks AJ's childhood stutter. In a surprising turn, Alexis scolds Kaitlyn, telling her to stop. Sam defends AJ, reminding them how horrible they were to him. When Kaitlyn dismissively asks if she's "pity-dating him," Sam blurts out, "I'm in love with him."
The confession stuns the Eights into silence. Alexis takes on a patronizing tone, telling Sam she has changed, "and it's not for the better, sweetie." The others agree, stating they don't feel like they know her anymore. This confrontation contrasts the supportive friendship of the Poets with the conditional, judgmental nature of the Eights, a key exploration of the theme of The Nature of Friendship. Sam realizes they're right—they don't know the real her. She tells Kaitlyn she owes AJ an apology and walks out of the cafeteria.
In the hallway, Sam finds Caroline at her locker and excitedly recounts the confrontation. Caroline's response is strange; she says, "I know. I was there. You were brilliant," claiming she was close enough to hear everything. She then tells Sam she has to go and makes a cryptic request: "Don't tell them about me. Ever. But you should tell AJ." Before Sam can process this, Caroline vanishes. Sam is left confused and unsettled by the bizarre encounter.
Chapter 35: Caroline Madsen
Sam finds AJ at her locker, and they share their first public kiss. As AJ admires the photos in her locker, Sam tells him about her strange conversation with Caroline, noting how she disappeared and seemed upset. AJ's expression shifts from confusion to concern. He asks, "Who's Caroline?" Sam laughs, thinking he's joking, and says, "Caroline Madsen."
At the mention of her full name, the color drains from AJ's face. He tells a confused Sam that she was alone when she first came to Poet's Corner. Sam insists Caroline brought her, but AJ is adamant. His voice shaking, he asks Sam if she knows who Caroline Madsen is. He then delivers the devastating truth: "Caroline Madsen committed suicide…in 2007."
The revelation shatters Sam's reality. She accuses him of joking, suggesting she's been talking to a ghost, but his terrified expression tells her he's serious. AJ, visibly shaken and stuttering, backs away and flees. Sam runs to her car in a panic. She first drives to Sue's office, but her therapist is at the hospital. Desperate, Sam drives to a scenic lookout point. She pulls out her phone and searches for "Caroline Madsen 2007." The search results confirm AJ's story with headlines about a local teen's suicide caused by bullying. She finds an article with a photo of Caroline—the same girl she knows—wearing a T-shirt that reads: IF YOU COULD READ MY MIND, YOU WOULDN'T BE SMILING. Sam suddenly remembers seeing this exact article with her friend Cassidy over a year ago, when they learned a girl had died in Cassidy's dad's new house. Caroline lived and died in that house.
The pieces fall into place: Caroline never used a phone, never met Sam's family, and never read her own poetry aloud. She was never real. She was a hallucination, a manifestation of Sam's OCD. The realization triggers a complete mental breakdown. Sam throws up, then sits on the edge of the cliff, scratching her neck raw and muttering Caroline's name, finally confronting the terrifying reality of her illness: "Like the crazy person I now know I am."
Character Development
- Samantha McAllister: Sam experiences a dramatic arc from a peak of confidence and perceived "normalcy" to a devastating breakdown. She finds her voice to stand up to the Eights and fully embraces her relationship with AJ, only to have her entire reality collapse with the revelation that her best friend is a hallucination.
- AJ Olsen: AJ's vulnerability and deep affection for Sam are highlighted. He bravely outs their relationship to the Poets. His horrified reaction to learning about "Caroline" reveals his shock and deep concern for Sam's mental state, solidifying his role as a caring and supportive figure.
- Caroline Madsen: The twist reveals Caroline's true nature: she is not a real person but a complex hallucination created by Sam's mind. She represents the supportive, creative, and honest friend Sam desperately needed but felt she couldn't find, a coping mechanism born from a subconscious memory.
- The Crazy Eights: Their status as toxic friends is cemented. Kaitlyn's cruelty and Alexis's manipulative judgment show that their friendship is conditional and superficial. They reject the authentic version of Sam that is emerging.
Themes & Symbols
Themes
- Mental Health and Illness: Sam's belief that she is "better" because she feels "normal" is shown to be a fragile denial of her condition. The shocking revelation that Caroline is a hallucination forces both Sam and the reader to confront the true, severe nature of her Purely-Obsessional OCD, moving beyond anxiety into the realm of psychosis.
- Secrets and Honesty: Sam's world is built on secrets—her friends, her boyfriend, and her illness. The act of revealing her relationship with AJ to both the Poets and the Eights is a major step toward honesty. However, her biggest secret, her OCD, remains hidden, and the existence of Caroline is a secret even to herself. Caroline's final advice to "tell AJ" is deeply ironic, as it's Sam's own psyche pushing her toward the full, terrifying honesty required for true healing.
- The Nature of Friendship: The stark contrast between the Poets and the Eights is fully realized. The Poets celebrate Sam and AJ's relationship, having built a foundation of trust through shared vulnerability. The Eights react with cruelty and judgment, proving their friendship is shallow. Caroline symbolizes the ideal friend Sam needed—one who offered unconditional acceptance—but whom she had to invent.
Symbols
- Poet's Corner: The room continues to symbolize a sanctuary of truth and authenticity. It is where Sam and AJ's relationship is both revealed and physically consummated. It is a space where vulnerability is encouraged and accepted, standing in direct opposition to the performative world of the Crazy Eights.
- Caroline's T-Shirts: The shirt Caroline wears in her suicide photo (IF YOU COULD READ MY MIND, YOU WOULDN'T BE SMILING) is a powerful symbol of hidden mental anguish. It reflects the internal torment that both Caroline and Sam experience while projecting a different image to the world.
Key Quotes
"When I’m with him, Sue, I don’t feel sick or labeled or broken. I feel normal. He makes me feel totally and completely normal."
Sam's statement encapsulates her desire for normalcy and her belief that AJ provides it. However, it also highlights her denial of her mental illness, as she equates "normal" with hiding her true self. This quote foreshadows the devastating consequences of her secret and the fragility of her perceived normalcy.
"and it's not for the better, sweetie."
Alexis's words reveal the conditional nature of the Eights' friendship. They value conformity and superficiality over authenticity and growth. This quote underscores the toxic dynamic of their group and Sam's need to break free from their judgmental influence.
"Caroline Madsen committed suicide…in 2007."
This is the pivotal line that shatters Sam's reality and recontextualizes the entire narrative. It is a moment of profound shock and disorientation, forcing both Sam and the reader to confront the true nature of her mental illness.
Why This Matters and Section Significance
These chapters mark the novel's central turning point and contain its most significant plot twist. The revelation that Caroline is a hallucination re-contextualizes the entire narrative. The story shifts from a contemporary romance about a teenage girl managing social anxiety to a profound and serious exploration of severe mental illness. This twist shatters the reader's trust in Sam's narration and forces a re-evaluation of every preceding event. It is the climax of Sam's internal struggle and the catalyst for the novel's final act, which must now grapple with the consequences of this breakdown and Sam's path toward genuine recovery, not just perceived normalcy.