Opening
These chapters turn a big idea into lived reality: leaders influence others less by technique than by the mindset beneath their actions. As mentor Bud Jefferson walks manager Tom Callum through Self-Deception and 'The Box', Tom tastes both transformation and relapse—an apology that heals, and a phone call that undoes him—before asking the question that propels the story forward.
What Happens
Chapter 6: The Deep Choice That Determines Influence
Bud names the “deeper something” that determines influence: the inner stance of being “in the box” or “out of the box.” He illustrates with two flights. In the first, he barricades a neighboring seat with a briefcase and newspaper, perceiving every passenger as an obstacle. In the second, a woman sees Bud and his wife, Nancy Jefferson, searching for adjacent seats and gracefully offers hers. The difference, Bud says, is simple: in one case he sees objects; in the other, people. That’s the heart of Seeing Others as People vs. Objects.
He sketches a diagram: any behavior—firm, friendly, corrective, directive—can originate from either mindset. Tom pushes back, describing an employee who erased his whiteboard. Bud’s questions reveal what Tom didn’t notice: the employee’s name, circumstances, or needs. He was in the box. Bud then links this inner stance to organizational results: the company’s success, and that of Lou Herbert, rests on a culture that sustains “out-of-the-box” relating. He finally names the employee Tom confronted: Joyce Mulman.
Chapter 7: People or Objects
Tom is startled that Bud even knows about the incident. Bud says he makes a point of learning names—a litmus test for whether he’s seeing people as people—and Tom realizes he barely knows anyone’s name in his own division. He admits he owes Joyce an apology yet still thinks she was wrong. Bud agrees both can be true; the issue isn’t what Tom did but the way he did it—from inside the box.
Tom worries this mindset isn’t practical in business, assuming “out of the box” means “soft.” Bud corrects him: the real choice isn’t soft versus hard—it’s in-the-box versus out-of-the-box. He contrasts Lou’s “hard,” out-of-the-box correction (which motivates) with Tom’s “hard,” in-the-box correction of Joyce (which demoralizes), and Tom recognizes the same pattern in the poor Leadership and Influence of his former boss, Chuck Staehli. Bud ends with an assignment: at lunch, think through colleagues one by one and notice where Tom is in or out of the box toward each.
Chapter 8: Doubt
At lunch Tom resolves to apologize. When he asks his secretary, Sheryl, to find Joyce, her fearful reaction shows him the climate he has created. He admits he’s been “lousy to work with,” and discovers that everyone at the company already knows about the box from training—making him feel exposed.
He finds Joyce’s cubicle, notices photos of her children, and waits to apologize. Joyce, who hasn’t slept for worry, accepts with relief. It’s a clean win and a moment of Personal Responsibility and Transformation. Buoyed, Tom calls his wife, Laura Callum. The call turns tense; Tom fires back with sarcasm and anger, tumbles back into the box, and then blames her: “Who wouldn’t be, married to someone like that?” The episode spotlights Blame and Self-Justification. His optimism collapses into doubt just as the CEO, Kate Stenarude, intercepts him on his way back.
Chapter 9: Kate
Tom is surprised that Kate, the company’s president and CEO, joins the meeting. A longtime insider mentored by Lou, she embodies the culture Bud describes. She dismisses Tom’s worry that this conversation wastes executive time: these ideas underlie nearly every process at the company, including performance measurement.
Tom remains skeptical, noting that even exemplars like Kate and Bud end up in the box. Kate agrees—the goal isn’t perfection but improvement. The company’s success comes from the times people choose to be out of the box. Thinking of the call with Laura, Tom asks the crucial question: what actually causes someone to be in or out of the box? It sometimes feels impossible to be out of the box toward a particular person.
Chapter 10: Questions
With Kate now present, Tom recaps the morning and his lunch-hour experiments: apologies that go well, followed by a phone call that doesn’t. To protect privacy, he refers to his spouse as “he,” insisting, “He wouldn’t let me be out of the box. He just slammed me right back in.”
Bud and Kate hear the blame beneath the question: how do you get out of the box when someone keeps putting you in it? Rather than answer directly, Bud says they first need to understand how people get in the box in the first place. He prepares another story, opening the next phase of Tom’s education.
Character Development
These chapters pivot Tom from abstract theory to personal accountability, showing how quickly mindset shifts—and how visibly it affects others.
- Tom Callum: Moves from defensive skeptic to a manager who recognizes his own self-deception, offers a sincere apology, and then immediately stumbles at home. He begins to see how blame fuels his box.
- Bud Jefferson: Deepens as a Socratic mentor who uses stories, questions, and concrete tests (like learning names) to keep the focus on mindset rather than tactics.
- Kate Stenarude: Enters as a culture carrier who grounds the ideas in company systems and admits her own imperfections, modeling humility with authority.
- Laura Callum: Functions as a catalyst who exposes Tom’s default self-justification, showing how the box appears most intensely in intimate relationships.
- Joyce Mulman: Shifts from faceless “problem” to person; her fear and relief underline the human cost and benefit of a leader’s inner stance.
Themes & Symbols
The book’s core idea comes into sharp focus: the box is a self-deceiving mindset that distorts reality, turning people into objects and justifying our worst impulses. Seeing people as people is not a technique but a way of being; the same “hard” action can heal or harm depending on whether it springs from regard or resentment.
Blame and self-justification lock the box from the inside. Tom’s triumphant apology followed by his defensive phone call dramatizes how progress vanishes the moment we cast ourselves as victims. The office props double as symbols: Bud’s briefcase and newspaper become physical barriers to relationship; the erased whiteboard becomes a test of whether others’ needs even register.
Key Quotes
“The choice isn’t whether to be hard or soft, but whether to act from inside or outside the box.” This line reframes leadership as an inner decision rather than a style preference. It explains why identical feedback can either motivate or demoralize.
“No wonder I’m in the box… Who wouldn’t be, married to someone like that?” Tom’s thought exposes the mechanics of self-deception: blame converts discomfort into moral permission, keeping him stuck while feeling justified.
“He wouldn’t let me be out of the box. He just slammed me right back in.” By casting himself as a victim of another’s behavior, Tom abdicates responsibility for his own mindset—exactly the trap the book aims to dismantle.
Learning names as a “litmus test.” Bud’s practice turns a simple habit into a diagnostic: when people blur into roles and functions, the box has already taken hold.
Why This Matters and Section Significance
This sequence makes the theory actionable. Tom learns that mindset—not method—drives influence, proves it with Joyce, then discovers how easily blame erases progress. The company’s culture, embodied by Kate and Bud, shows how “out-of-the-box” relating scales into systems and results. The section ends on the question readers share: if others feel impossible, how did I get into the box—and how do I get out? That pivot sets up the next chapters’ search for the origins of self-deception and the practical path to freedom.