Chapter 11: Healthy
Samantha McAllister sits in therapy with Sue, a month after her failed attempt to give AJ Olsen her poem. She confesses feeling disconnected from the Eights, especially Kaitlyn, and admits to focusing on swimming and writing. Sam describes these activities as "healthy," but conceals that she has stopped taking her sleep medication to write late into the night. This highlights the theme of Secrets and Honesty. She gushes about her new friendship with Caroline Madsen, calling it "good strange" and appreciating their real conversations, a stark contrast to her earlier years with the Eights, exploring The Nature of Friendship.
Sue gently probes about boys, and Sam admits she is fixated on AJ, though she frames it as a need for his forgiveness rather than a crush. The weight of her past actions becomes unbearable, and she breaks down, questioning when she will stop making mistakes. Sue reframes mistakes as vital learning experiences, part of Sam's journey toward Finding Your Voice and Self-Acceptance. She emphasizes that needing AJ’s forgiveness is beyond her control and that self-forgiveness is paramount. After a cathartic release, Sam tearfully declares, "I forgive myself," marking a significant breakthrough in her struggle with Mental Health and Illness.
Chapter 12: Every Last Word
The next day in history class, Sydney, a member of Poet’s Corner, approaches Sam. She reveals that AJ read Sam’s apology poem to the group and that they want her to return. Sydney invites Sam to their lunch meeting, tapping Sam’s notebook and encouraging her to bring it. Sam immediately spirals into panic, assuming she must perform a poem. Her anxiety intensifies, and she begins scratching her neck, a physical manifestation of her OCD.
Throughout class, Sam frantically searches through her poems, dismissing them as "horrible" and "lame." Her internal monologue exposes her deep-seated insecurity about her writing and fear of judgment. She finally settles on "Plunge," a poem she believes is about swimming but is subconsciously about her mental health struggles. The chapter concludes with Sam feeling a mix of elation and terror as she prepares to follow Sydney downstairs, completely misinterpreting the group's intentions.
Chapter 13: Plunge
Sydney leads a terrified Sam down to Poet’s Corner, where Sam's anxiety is overwhelming. When AJ opens the door, Sam immediately offers to leave if her presence makes him uncomfortable, but he assures her that the group wants to hear what she has to say, which she interprets as a test. The pressure escalates, and Sam begins to experience a panic attack. Just as she is about to break down, Caroline appears and comforts her, helping her regain control of her breathing. Fueled by a sudden, misguided surge of confidence, Sam decides she must read her poem to prove her worth.
Ignoring AJ’s attempt to stop her, Sam takes the stage. As she begins to read "Plunge," she realizes with horror that the poem is a transparent confession of her obsessions, rituals, and "crazy." The fear of exposing herself to these strangers is overwhelming, and the negative thoughts return with a vengeance. Caroline tries to offer support from the back of the room, but Sam feels the walls closing in. Convinced that the invitation was a cruel prank orchestrated by AJ as payback, she flees the stage. As AJ unlocks the door for her, she accuses him of proving his point before running away. In the parking lot, she realizes she has left her backpack—containing her phone, keys, and secret-filled notebooks—behind in the one place she never wants to return to.
Chapter 14: Read the Walls
After waiting in the parking lot for hours, Sam finds a moment of strength while looking at inspirational photos in her locker. She resolves to return to Poet’s Corner, not for the group, but for herself. She finds AJ waiting for her by her locker with her backpack. He apologizes, explaining that they handled the situation badly by skipping the group’s "initiation process." He invites her back downstairs to explain how things really work.
Alone in Poet’s Corner, AJ details the rules: a potential member reads a poem to demonstrate sincerity, after which the group votes. Crucially, he reveals that the first poem read must be written in Poet’s Corner. He also shares the room's history, explaining that the furniture is "relocated" from the theater's prop room. He gives Sam the key, a powerful symbol of trust and belonging. When Sam asks how to learn to be vulnerable, he tells her it starts in a safe place with safe people. Sam apologizes again for their past, and AJ is honest; he has accepted her apology but tells her not to push the "friends" thing yet. He leaves her alone with the instruction: "Read the walls, Sam."
Chapter 15: Normal
Sam spends the next two class periods completely immersed in Poet’s Corner, reading the hundreds of poems covering the walls. She discovers works that are funny, heartbreaking, and profound, covering everything from love and friendship to depression and addiction. She is able to identify AJ’s poems by his distinctive handwriting. Feeling inspired by the raw honesty around her, she sits on the orange couch and writes a new poem in her yellow notebook.
Later, at swim practice, Sam experiences a rare moment of mental silence. As she swims, her mind is empty of anxious thoughts and obsessive loops. She wonders, "Is this what it’s like to be normal?" After practice, Caroline is waiting for her. Sam confirms that Caroline has kept her OCD a secret from the group. She thanks Caroline for helping her write the apology poem that earned her a second chance. Worried about her upcoming reading, Sam admits that most of her poetry is about her mental health struggles and asks Caroline to continue keeping her secret. Caroline agrees, locking it away with an imaginary key.
Character Development
Sam, AJ, and Caroline all undergo significant changes in these chapters:
- Samantha McAllister: She moves from guilt-ridden to self-forgiving. Despite a setback with her panic attack, she faces her fear, leading to a deeper understanding of herself and the group. Her moment of mental peace at the pool signifies a pivotal step in her healing.
- AJ Olsen: He emerges as a thoughtful and principled leader, protective of Poet's Corner but not vengeful. He demonstrates maturity by apologizing for the group's mistake, properly initiating Sam, and setting boundaries about their friendship.
- Caroline Madsen: Caroline proves to be a supportive and trustworthy friend. She is there for Sam during her panic attack and respects her privacy by keeping her OCD a secret, showing a loyalty that contrasts with the Eights.
- Sue: Sue facilitates Sam's emotional breakthrough, offering wisdom and guidance to reframe her perspective on mistakes and embrace self-acceptance.
Themes & Symbols
Several important themes emerge in these chapters:
- Mental Health and Illness: Sam's therapy, panic attack, and moment of mental clarity explore her struggle with OCD and anxiety and her path toward managing her illness.
- Finding Your Voice and Self-Acceptance: Sam’s journey epitomizes this theme. Forgiving herself is the first step. Her failed poem reading, followed by her decision to return and write a new one, represents her determined path toward expressing her authentic self.
- The Nature of Friendship: The contrast between Sam's superficial relationship with the Eights and her supportive friendships with Caroline and the Poet's Corner members is highlighted. AJ’s honesty about not being ready for friendship adds another layer, suggesting that true connection requires time and trust.
Symbols enrich the narrative:
- The Key: The key to Poet's Corner symbolizes trust, inclusion, and access to a safe space, signifying Sam's chance to belong.
- The Walls of Poet's Corner: The poem-covered walls symbolize collective vulnerability and shared history, inspiring Sam to contribute her own story.
"I forgive myself."
This quote marks a turning point in Sam's journey. By verbally acknowledging her self-forgiveness, she releases herself from the burden of past mistakes and opens the door to healing and self-acceptance. This moment is crucial for her mental health and her ability to move forward.
"Read the walls, Sam."
AJ's instruction encapsulates the essence of Poet's Corner. It is an invitation to immerse herself in the raw, honest expressions of others, to find connection and inspiration in shared vulnerability. This act of reading becomes a catalyst for Sam's own creative and emotional growth.
Significance
This section marks a crucial turning point for Sam. Her self-forgiveness provides the emotional foundation for the events that follow. The disastrous return to Poet's Corner serves as a necessary failure, breaking down her preconceived notions and forcing her to confront her deepest fears.
AJ’s explanation and "re-initiation" is the true beginning of Sam's integration into the group. It shifts her relationship with AJ from one defined by guilt to one based on mutual respect. By leaving her alone to "read the walls," he gives her the gift of space to understand Poet's Corner: not a stage, but a sanctuary. This section moves Sam from a passive outsider to an active participant in her own healing, setting the stage for her to finally find her voice.
Analysis
Tamara Ireland Stone masterfully uses first-person narration to convey Sam's anxiety. The frantic internal monologue and the sensory details of her panic attack immerse the reader in her psychological state, making her eventual moment of mental peace feel incredibly earned.
The structure of these chapters follows a classic narrative pattern of breakdown and breakthrough. Sam's public failure forces a confrontation with her fears and with AJ. The subsequent scene where AJ explains the rules functions as a reset, clarifying the ethos of Poet's Corner. His dialogue emphasizes sincerity over performance, challenging the social dynamics Sam is used to. The "relocated" furniture from the prop room serves as a metaphor for the poets themselves: overlooked items that, when brought into a safe and hidden space, create something unique and beautiful. AJ giving Sam the key is a powerful symbolic gesture that concludes this arc, signifying her transition from an intruder to a potential member of this secret community.