Samantha McAllister navigates the complexities of friendship, self-discovery, and mental health in these chapters. As she finds solace in a poetry club, her relationships with both old and new friends are tested, revealing the challenges of living with OCD and the courage it takes to be true to oneself.
Chapter 16: Swimming at Lunch. Alone.
The "Crazy Eights" confront Sam about her absence from lunch, with Alexis noting she saw Sam's car after school. To conceal her visits to Poet's Corner, Sam fabricates a story about a fever and needing to be picked up by her mother. Realizing the need for a more sustainable alibi, she announces her plan to swim during lunch to train for upcoming meets, leveraging her "Summer Sam" persona.
The group's reaction exposes the superficiality of their friendship. When Olivia expresses interest in watching her compete, Sam declines, explaining that having friends watch makes her nervous. This offends Kaitlyn and Alexis, who struggle to understand her discomfort around her "best friends." The conversation highlights the tension between Sam's need for privacy and their expectation of total transparency, illustrating the theme of The Nature of Friendship. The chapter concludes with Alexis announcing a party at Kurt Frasier's house, the boy who cheated on Sam with Kaitlyn. Sam refuses to attend, a small act of self-assertion that demonstrates her growing desire to distance herself from their toxic social dynamics.
Chapter 17: As If
Sam arrives at Poet's Corner and is greeted warmly by the other members, including Caroline Madsen, who beams at her, and AJ Olsen, who reassures her that she doesn't have to read immediately. She feels a sense of belonging, a stark contrast to the anxiety she experiences around the Eights. The room, adorned with poems, feels magical and powerful, reinforcing the theme of Finding Your Voice and Self-Acceptance.
The performances begin, showcasing the group's talent. Chelsea reads a poem about getting over an ex, prompting Sam to reflect on her own lack of romantic experience. Abigail performs "As If," which resonates with Sam's feelings of pretense. The meeting culminates in a rhythmic group performance of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" by Jessica, Cameron, and Abigail, with the group providing a beat. The collaborative energy further cements Poet's Corner as a sanctuary for Sam.
Chapter 18: Building Better Walls
When AJ announces time for one more poem, all eyes turn to Sam. Encouraged by Caroline, Sam nervously approaches the stage. She begins to introduce her poem about her fixation with the number three but freezes, forgetting Chelsea's name and triggering an anxiety attack. The words blur, her breathing becomes shallow, and she feels sick.
Caroline appears behind her, a calming presence, and tells Sam to close her eyes and recite the poem from memory. Following Caroline's advice, Sam delivers her poem, "Building Better Walls," about her fear of words and her decision to let them out and build "better walls." The room erupts in applause, and the members throw glue sticks at her feet—their unique way of voting. AJ confirms that she is officially a member. Sam glues her poem to the wall, physically adding her voice to the collective. This moment represents her successful confrontation of her fear and her acceptance into a community where she can be her true self. The theme of Mental Health and Illness is central, as she overcomes a panic attack through the support of a true friend.
Chapter 19: Grab the Yoke
Three weeks later, Sam feels more confident. She reads a six-word poem—"What you see... / It isn't me"—and posts a copy on her locker, merging her two worlds. After school, she sees AJ comforting a crying Emily at a bus stop. He asks Sam for a ride for Emily, whose mother is gravely ill. After dropping Emily off, AJ stays in the car with Sam. He clarifies that he and Emily are just close friends, and a comfortable conversation unfolds. She opens up about her "hobby" of naming her music playlists with three-word phrases from song lyrics, a ritual connected to her OCD. Instead of judging her, AJ is intrigued.
This shared vulnerability prompts AJ to open up in return. He tells Sam about his childhood stutter, the bullying he endured, and how a music teacher helped him find his voice by teaching him to play the guitar and sing. He reveals that the stutter only returns when he's nervous and that he has a coping mechanism: playing "invisible guitar strings" under his desk. This confession creates a bond between them, built on the shared understanding that "everyone's got something." The theme of Secrets and Honesty is explored, as their mutual disclosures deepen their connection. The chapter ends with AJ inviting Sam into his house, and they flirtatiously acknowledge that they might be becoming friends.
Chapter 20: Everyone's Got Something
Inside AJ's house, Sam learns that his popular younger brother is Kyle Olsen, a boy Olivia from the Eights once pursued. AJ jokes about his brother's coolness and then says seriously, "Everyone's got something," a phrase that resonates with Sam. She is on the verge of confessing her OCD but loses her nerve and asks for a glass of water instead. In his bedroom, the romantic tension escalates. While he plays his guitar, Sam has a vivid fantasy of kissing him. He then gives her an impromptu guitar lesson, getting physically close and creating an intimate atmosphere.
The mood shifts when Sam discovers a framed photo of AJ with his ex-girlfriend, Devon. Her obsessive need for information kicks in, and she begins questioning him. AJ is honest, explaining they broke up when Devon moved to Boston. He admits he loved her and is unsure if he still does. He puts the picture away, and the moment of potential romance passes. He asks if they can be friends, and Sam agrees, though she wants more. That night, her OCD takes over completely. She spends hours online, manically researching every detail of Devon's life and her relationship with AJ. The chapter ends with Sam trapped in a spiral of intrusive thoughts, unable to sleep as she pictures AJ and Devon together, showcasing the painful, uncontrollable nature of her illness.
Key Events
- Sam's Alibi: To hide her involvement with Poet's Corner, Sam lies to the Crazy Eights and creates a long-term alibi—swimming during lunch.
- Joining Poet's Corner: Despite a panic attack, Sam successfully performs her first poem, "Building Better Walls," and is warmly welcomed into the group.
- AJ's Confession: AJ shares the story of his childhood stutter and how music helped him find his voice, creating a strong bond of trust with Sam.
- The Ex-Girlfriend: Sam discovers a photo of AJ's ex, Devon, which triggers her OCD.
- OCD Spiral: Sam spends an entire night obsessively researching Devon online, demonstrating the severity of her mental illness.
Character Development
- Samantha McAllister: Sam takes major steps forward in finding her voice and a supportive community. She successfully performs her poetry and begins to stand up to the Eights. However, her burgeoning relationship with AJ also triggers her OCD, revealing how vulnerable she still is to her illness, especially when faced with insecurity and the unknown.
- AJ Olsen: AJ is revealed to be more than just a talented musician. He is kind, empathetic (comforting Emily), and deeply vulnerable. His story about his stutter provides crucial insight into his character and establishes him as a safe and understanding presence in her life.
- Caroline Madsen: Caroline solidifies her role as Sam's guide and guardian angel. Her perfectly timed encouragement helps Sam overcome a severe panic attack on stage, proving her friendship to be intuitive and deeply supportive.
- The Crazy Eights: The superficiality and toxicity of this group are thrown into sharp relief. Their suspicion, judgment, and peer pressure stand in stark contrast to the unconditional acceptance Sam finds in Poet's Corner.
Themes & Symbols
Themes
- Mental Health and Illness: Sam's on-stage panic attack, her OCD-driven research spiral, and AJ's confession about his stutter all provide raw, honest depictions of living with mental health challenges. The idea that "everyone's got something" becomes a core tenet of the story.
- Finding Your Voice and Self-Acceptance: Sam literally finds her voice on the Poet's Corner stage. The act of writing and performing poetry becomes her primary tool for self-expression and acceptance. AJ's story about overcoming his stutter with music serves as a powerful parallel narrative.
- The Nature of Friendship: The narrative starkly contrasts the conditional, judgmental friendship of the Eights with the supportive, accepting community of the Poets. Caroline's intervention during Sam's panic attack is a perfect example of what true friendship looks like.
- Secrets and Honesty: Sam builds a wall of secrets (the swimming alibi) to protect her new life, but she also experiences the power of genuine honesty in her conversations with AJ. Their mutual vulnerability deepens their connection far more than any superficial interaction she has with the Eights.
Symbols
- The Poems: Each poem read in Poet's Corner acts as a window into the author's soul. Abigail's "As If" and Sam's "Building Better Walls" are direct expressions of their internal struggles and desires.
- The Glue Sticks: In Poet's Corner, glue sticks symbolize acceptance and validation. Being pelted with them after a performance is the group's unique, tangible way of saying, "We hear you, and you belong here."
- The Walls of Poet's Corner: The walls, covered in scraps of paper, represent a collective voice and a shared history of vulnerability. When Sam adds her poem to the wall, she is physically and symbolically joining this community.
Significance
This section of the novel is pivotal. It marks Sam's definitive break from the isolation of her secret illness and her entry into a community that offers the potential for healing and true self-expression. Her official acceptance into Poet's Corner is the story's first major turning point, providing her with the support system she needs to begin confronting her fears.
Furthermore, these chapters establish the novel's central romance. The deep, immediate connection between Sam and AJ is founded on mutual vulnerability and acceptance of each other's "somethings." However, this section also establishes the primary internal conflict Sam will face: her desire for a normal relationship with AJ is immediately complicated by her OCD, which is triggered by the insecurities and unknowns that come with intimacy. The obsessive research spiral at the end of Chapter 20 demonstrates that finding a safe space and a kind person isn't a cure; the hardest work of managing her illness is still ahead.
Analysis
Tamara Ireland Stone uses a first-person perspective to give the reader unfiltered access to Sam's internal world. This technique is especially effective in these chapters, as we experience her social anxiety with the Eights, her euphoria in Poet's Corner, and the terrifying, spiraling logic of her OCD in real-time. The contrast between the dialogue in Chapter 16 (sharp, accusatory, superficial) and the poetic, vulnerable language in Chapters 17 and 18 highlights the thematic clash between Sam's two worlds.
The author also employs foils to develop character. AJ's openness about his stutter serves as a foil to Sam's secrecy about her OCD, pushing her toward honesty. Similarly, Caroline's quiet, intuitive support acts as a foil to the loud, demanding nature of the Eights.
Everyone's got something.
This quote encapsulates a central theme of the novel. It highlights the idea that everyone carries hidden struggles and vulnerabilities, fostering empathy and understanding between characters.
What you see... / It isn't me
Sam's six-word poem encapsulates her internal struggle with identity and self-representation. It speaks to the facade she presents to the world and the hidden depths of her true self, known only to a select few.
The fantasy sequence in Chapter 20, where Sam imagines kissing AJ while he plays guitar, is a powerful narrative device. It reveals the depth of her desire before she is ready to act on it, creating a poignant gap between her inner emotional life and her outward actions. The section's structure masterfully builds emotional intimacy between Sam and AJ, only to have it immediately threatened by the internal chaos of Sam's mental illness, setting the stage for the core conflicts of the rest of the novel.